Hickeys and Captain Crunch

why are we taking a break? let me count thee ways…

• hadn’t seen you since prom in may when I went to MP in late July and you barely paid any attention to me when your two best friends were up visiting. I was invisible.
• Her texting you how she wanted to hook up and how she liked you and how she’d wait for you, she followed you around like a lost puppy, every person on MP would ask me why you never did anything and how disrespectful she was, yet you never said anything to her, you never stood up for me, you were always defending HER, you were insensitive to the whole thing. 
• Coming in during a family dinner with a big grin on your face saying “guess whose here!”. My entire family hated you for that instant. My uncle and Dad and aunt and Mom did not stop commenting on how much of a little shit you were being about the whole thing. Sorry, but it’s the truth.
• I haven’t seen you since August 20th and since then I’ve made four fucking different attempts to come see you, but instead there’s always something “more important.”

1. I planned a four course dinner, or a red sox game, or a gondola ride, or a kayak tour, or ziplining, or a romantic dinner in the North End, or surprising you and baking you a cheesecake - but guess what? You never gave me answer for your birthday weekend. You kept putting it off and putting it off, leaving me WAITING for your response, and then went off to some girl’s super sweet 16. 
2. I’ve tried to make up for that missed birthday for the past 3 weekends but still always something comes in the way. I’ve made so many plans and have them all fail because you say you’re “so busy, I have so much work” while you’re driving around or drinking or just fucking around. I’m just not important to you anymore, and I guess I’m not important enough to see. So I’m done.
3. You have not put in any effort to see me once. It’s always me trying and trying and trying to see you, and you putting it down, or not telling me about plans, or just leaving me in the dark until it’s Sunday and I give up. 

• This is the time In need you the most because I have no friends, I’m in a new state and a new school my senior year and you never even wished me good luck on my first day or made any effort to comfort me about it. I left you a sweet note wishing you good luck on a senior year in the same school with the people you’ve known for 3 years, and you never even made an effort to comfort me about how nervous I was. Thanks for that. 
• I asked you to please, please call me yesterday and of course you never did. So last night you text me once at 7 pm, and then I don’t hear anything from you. So I call, I message, and I get worried and then I get a phone call at 1 am joking about how you’re in the hospital. Yeah, that’s so fucking funny. I’m here nervous that something happened to you because you didn’t call, I got one text message from you, and now someone is joking you’re in the hospital because you’re too drunk? And then when I don’t find it funny you’re in this terrible pissed off mood?
• I’m putting in so much effort and making you so important and constantly doing or trying to do nice things for you and you do not care about me or give two shits about me and the relationship and I’m so done with being treated like shit.
• It’d be one thing if your apologies meant something, but they don’t. Just saying “Well god I’m sorry” doesn’t mean anything when you don’t mean it and when you don’t do anything to fix it. Yeah, your apology means nothing to me when I’ve heard the “Well I feel bad. I’m sorry.” time and time again but nothing changes, you just go back to ignoring me and forgetting about my existence and taking me for granted and thinking that I’m always going to be around to put you first and call and text you first and leave you long messages.
• Remember how much time I put into this blog? And remember how much you didn’t care about it and took it for granted? That’s just a symbol for our relationship.
• Everything gets turned into how YOU feel. You could made me cry and make me feel absolutely worthless, but if I calmly tell you and try not to attack you and tell you what you’re doing and how you’re making me feel, you don’t apologize, you just tell me how I’m making you feel badly and feel guilty. It’s always about how you feel, never me. Your feelings are clearly more important.
• Actually, everything about you is clearly more important.
• So I’m done. 

Appreciate your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Even if at times they drive you crazy, be thankful for them. They’re doing their job by keeping you happy and loving you endlessly regardless of your flaws. You both picked each other for a reason and ended up together for a reason. So think about what they have done for you before you say something you might regret.

(Source: monairthith, via measurelove-notdistance)

why do i still post on this, even though you don’t look at it?

i guess i’m hoping one day you’ll finally appreciate it.